I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
