Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
