Last Night in Texas (806)

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• (806): View more from Texas

  with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

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• (806): View more from Texas

  You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...

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• (806): View more from Texas

  All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

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• (806): View more from Texas

  If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

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• (214): View more from Texas

  you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?

  (806): View more from Texas

  i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.

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