Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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