what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
