Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
