he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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