M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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