Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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