Last Night in Minnesota (507)

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  RESIST THE DICK

  (1-507): View more from Minnesota

  thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator

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• (432): View more from Texas

  On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I'll just go with dedication.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.

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