Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (562)

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Last Night in California (562)

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Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?

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(562): View more from California

I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?

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Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."

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I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.

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I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled

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If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important

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You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.

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The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.

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