i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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