my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
