Last Night in Alabama (256)

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  this hospital has no fireball

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.

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