Last Night in Wyoming (307)

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Dicks are not precious.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.

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