Last Night in Alberta, CA (780)

Sort By: Date / Good Night / Bad Night

ADVERTISEMENT

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  "Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"

  Fav 4 196 87

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.

  Fav 0 142 78

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.

  Fav 0 6 77

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn

  Fav 1 23 73

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.

  Fav 2 23 61

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.

  Fav 1 9 47

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.

  Fav 1 45 46

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.

  Fav 0 13 42

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.

  Fav 0 14 38

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.

  Fav 0 6 38

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot

  Fav 0 15 35

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!

  Fav 0 70 31

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.

  Fav 0 17 26

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.

  Fav 0 17 26

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT