My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize