life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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