Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
