You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
His nipple licking is glorious
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