I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
