Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
