I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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