Last Night in North Dakota (701)

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  "Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I've never been so turned off by an omelet.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.

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