I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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