I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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