non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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