Last Night in Oklahoma (405)

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.

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  I can't even make a guess how that goes.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.

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