So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize