Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.

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(440): View more from Ohio

You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back

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(303): View more from Colorado

Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?

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(605): View more from South Dakota

The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.

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(970): View more from Colorado

idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.

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(520): View more from Arizona

all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.

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