Last Night in Massachusetts (339)

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh yeah that.

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't answer my phone I'm at work

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm cool with that

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!

  (818): View more from California

  Were you keeping a list?

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.

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