You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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