Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
