imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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