Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
