We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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