Last Night in California (510)

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• (415): View more from California

  He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.

  (510): View more from California

  How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?

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• (510): View more from California

  No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.

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• (510): View more from California

  On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now

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• (510): View more from California

  The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.

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• (510): View more from California

  I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.

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• (510): View more from California

  He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.

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• (510): View more from California

  I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.

  (845): View more from New York

  you're the best roommate i could ever have.

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• (510): View more from California

  the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros

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• (510): View more from California

  Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?

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• (510): View more from California

  As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.

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• (510): View more from California

  I just texted my mom from a strip club.

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• (510): View more from California

  It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.

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• (510): View more from California

  good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.

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• (510): View more from California

  Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.

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