Last Night in Alberta (587)

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Cockoligist

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Yes, one may refer to me as that.

  (587): View more from Alberta

  I should make business cards.

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?

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• (587): View more from Alberta

  Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.

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