you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
