I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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