Last Night in Ontario (807)

Sort By: Date / Good Night / Bad Night

ADVERTISEMENT

• (807): View more from Ontario

  I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.

  Fav 0 737 357

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.

  Fav 3 674 1027

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (807): View more from Ontario

  We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.

  Fav 2 639 1295

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter

  Fav 2 605 736

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?

  Fav 1 548 327

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.

  Fav 6 544 984

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (807): View more from Ontario

  I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..

  Fav 0 141 98

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.

  Fav 0 63 13

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!

  Fav 1 61 13

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  We're not ready for visitors right now.

  (1-807): View more from Ontario

  wtf? who's we?

  (807): View more from Ontario

  The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.

  Fav 0 60 14

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now

  Fav 0 35 2

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (807): View more from Ontario

  WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???

  (1-807): View more from Ontario

  Ours, apparently.

  Fav 2 30 56

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.

  Fav 0 28 9

  share tweet
  

• (807): View more from Ontario

  You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.

  (1-807): View more from Ontario

  I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!

  Fav 0 21 35

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT