My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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