Last Night in Illinois (815)

Sort By: Date / Good Night / Bad Night

ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.

  Fav 0 10 42

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.

  Fav 0 8 28

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.

  Fav 0 6 28

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔

  Fav 0 6 19

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.

  Fav 0 5 35

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.

  Fav 0 4 64

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (815): View more from Illinois

  he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.

  Fav 0 4 24

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.

  Fav 0 4 41

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.

  Fav 0 3 32

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.

  Fav 0 2 29

  share tweet