Last Night in New Mexico (575)

Sort By: Date / Good Night / Bad Night

ADVERTISEMENT

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

  Fav 4 1329 743

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.

  Fav 3 545 732

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat

  Fav 1 444 688

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.

  Fav 6 1560 628

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.

  Fav 1 1097 580

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.

  Fav 0 683 534

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.

  Fav 2 695 524

  share tweet
  

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Where else would I get life advice?

  Fav 0 755 411

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.

  Fav 3 262 247

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.

  Fav 1 360 191

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order

  Fav 0 18 54

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels

  Fav 0 18 49

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.

  Fav 2 21 37

  share tweet
  

• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.

  Fav 0 6 30

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT