I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
