dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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