I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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