non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
