Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (630)

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Last Night in Illinois (630)

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(630): View more from Illinois

why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg

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(630): View more from Illinois

You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.

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(630): View more from Illinois

True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

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(630): View more from Illinois

i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber

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(630): View more from Illinois

don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.

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