Last Night in Tennessee (865)

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  I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother

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  I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole

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  he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.

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  just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.

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  If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?

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  I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.

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  it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina

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  Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

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  Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.

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  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

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  I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door

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  and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice

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  He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.

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  we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.

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