Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
