Last Night in Illinois (847)

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  that guy was staring at your tits.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.

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