Last Night in Illinois (224)

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Elaborate

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Strip Mario-Kart

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me

  (224): View more from Illinois

  RUN RUN RUN RUN

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.

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