Last Night in Alberta, CA (403)

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  As in ill only blow him next week

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Wow. We're meant to be..

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