Last Night in Texas (940)

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• (940): View more from Texas

  He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it

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  there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me

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• (940): View more from Texas

  he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.

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