You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
