Last Night in New York (845)

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• (845): View more from New York

  You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.

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• (845): View more from New York

  It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her

  (845): View more from New York

  You mean sponsor?

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• (845): View more from New York

  You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..

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• (845): View more from New York

  How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  If you need anything just hit me up

  (845): View more from New York

  Pancakes

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Noted.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"

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• (845): View more from New York

  I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.

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• (845): View more from New York

  So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS

  (845): View more from New York

  Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.

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• (845): View more from New York

  then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy

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• (845): View more from New York

  brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears

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• (845): View more from New York

  You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....

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