Last Night in Ontario (905)

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Fuhga

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Thank you.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.

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• (905): View more from Toronto

  me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.

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• (905): View more from Toronto

  it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  american apparel?

  (905): View more from Toronto

  try lime green

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• (905): View more from Toronto

  found the other keg... it's in the tree

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub

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• (905): View more from Toronto

  So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises

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• (905): View more from Toronto

  We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"

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