I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
