seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This baby is an asshole
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
