yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
