i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I need moral support for this bender
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
