kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
