just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
