my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
