none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
