so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
