Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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