better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
